One Man's Thoughts

My courage hangs by a thread,

I shut my eyes against the day,

Lying awake without rising from bed,

Keeping the depressing nightmares at bay.

They do not come from without,

They dance and skip from place to place,

Never ceasing to tell me about,

The hypocrisy that must be written in my face.

As I struggle to climb once more,

The will to try again is always there,

Knowing that I am meant to glide and soar,

Yet hiding from the world that I am gasping for air.

What is it in this crazy world that I want?

The mountains seem too high for me,

My hope is becoming ragged and gaunt,

Do I keep going out of stubbornness or curiosity?

To feel the fingers of another’s will,

Striking a conversation without fear,

My loneliness humbling my heart to still,

Until the moment comes when you draw near.

I want you and can’t have you yet,

The suffering that dictates my every action,

Only waiting for the sun’s next set,

Wanting my undisciplined heart to grow just a fraction.

My courage is wearing very thin,

And I know it is not long away,

My mind tries to hold onto who I’ve been,

Just trying to keep hope alive day by day.

I seem an adult but a youth am I,

Never having learned the things of need,

I don’t know how to let go and die,

To let You take my sins and make me freed.